The Kill-Me Cold

In the NYTimes, there was an article that stated that they may have found some leads to cure the common cold- I say they better do it soon.

Being sick as an adult is probably one of the worst things that can happen.
Unlike those days where you can go to your parents and miss a day of ABC's and 123s,
You are burdened to either spend our days miserable in the office or at home in your bed watching television, missing important meetings, and getting work finished- which then you need to make up and do double work once you are actually back to feeling healthy. This, of course, is reflected in your paycheck if you don't have sick days.

If you are like me, and get sick if I get too stressed that your body just breaks down, it can be crippling to take just one day because the trouble you have to just catch up and get back on the top of your game becomes an uphill battle with cyclic effects. You get even more frustrated when you have mountains of paper and e-mails to deal with, less pay to manage your finances, and replacing the ten tissue boxes you go through- and what about the medical visit and cost of prescriptions?

When all of this happens, I wish I could just crawl in my bed and wait for my mother to bring me a steaming bowl full of hearty chicken soup with matzoh balls. A cool compress on my forehead and a box full of ice pops to soothe the throat and cool down the fever. Instead, you are an adult so you can buy all the OTC drugs you can afford and feel like you are on cloud 9- but risk your heart exploding from all the pseudo ephedrine.

Mission 19: When you are sick:
So what can you do? Do you take off from work or try to plunge ahead and hope it all goes away? It seems that the best option is to go to work/school and hope that your boss/professor notices how hard you are trying and tells you to go home. It shows that you care enough to go and that even though you are sick, you understand the world doesn't stop-even if you wish it did. Then, go home and hibernate until you can actually breathe out of both nostrils. Also, just by going for a short time, you might actually get a few things off your checklist. Only use those sick days for times when you really can't function- otherwise you'll be ore of a hindrance than help- you also don't want to get your coworkers or colleagues sick.

Hearts On A Platter

Everyone posts about Valentine's day, so here it goes:

Valentine's day sucks.
It's a wretched holiday that makes people feel inferior, lonely, and more pressured to find someone. Even if you are in a relationship, it puts more emphasis on expressing a romantic or sexual side than what may be pre-mature for where the relationship may be.

If you are just starting out in a relationship, V-day requires an "I love you" kind of moment. But what if it is still "I like you" or "I'm infatuated by you"? This causes more problems than necessary. People tend to rate the value of a relationship based on how much money is spent. Do you buy the diamond necklace to express your undying love or do you make a promise? Which has more meaning?

While I do hate it, there is something about it that does some good. Many people think of it as a Hallmark holiday- but I see it as something different. I see it as a way of boosting certain industries sales and providing some economic stability. There are only a few holidays during the year that require cards, flowers, candy, crafts for making sentimental statements, tickets to shows and other performances, and any other industry that is involved. If we think about what people spend their money on, you can see that these horrible days actually employ thousands, if not millions of people and keeps businesses flourishing. So, I guess in today's economy- I guess we can stand it just a little bit.

So while everyone is having dinner, having sex, buying roses, being cheesy, cutting out their hearts with scissors for the sake of another- if you're alone, don't feel grumpy.

Here's Mission 18:

Express self-love: Take yourself out to dinner, make a list of all the things you love about yourself, make yourself a valentine, be happy that you are not in a terrible or abusive relationship and be grateful for the fact that you can sleep with whoever you want with no obligations unlike your committed friends.

Equal Social Partnership

You know that person. That friend that ALWAYS makes you come over to their house to hang out but will not dare to step outside for fear of leaving their apartment. You have gone over there the last 4 weekends in a row and even better they ask you to pick up the beverages- oh! and while you're at it, can you bring that amazing movie they've never seen? The term I have for these people is "One-way"...as in "She is a such a one-way". These are also those people you know who make you wait by your cell phone until they decide they won't be lazy and will actually meet you or follow through on the plans that you made together. If you've ever had the experience of getting a text 30 minutes before you are supposed to meet and they ask if you can postpone it a few hours because they just got up and then a few hours later when you are supposed to meet, they text you asking if you can reschedule. Therefore, wasting your entire day and making it impossible for you to make plans with anyone else. If you understand this then you will probably agree with me when I say:

Marriages are not the only equal partnerships. Roommates, buddies, bros, girlfriends, and friends with benefits all have expected obligations. Whether or not you are tired or its just SO cold outside, I believe that reciprocation is essential. You may not feel like going deep into Brooklyn at 1:30am when the train is messed up but if you said you would stop by and they did ask you several weeks prior, I feel like you should go -especially if last week they took the same journey to your neck of the woods. Moreover, when you are meeting a friend for lunch, why is it fair that you venture closer to where they are as opposed to meeting somewhere in the middle? Now granted, you may want to try a spectacularly Zagat rated restaurant which is just closer to them or there are extenuating circumstances and other obligations that make it necessary for them to stay in their area. But my point is that this should not be a reoccurring phenomenon. Even if one of your neighborhoods is slightly dull and yours is trendy, if you are going to just chill- it shouldn't matter. One more item is that switching off payment for beverages or splitting the cost of whatever you're doing is essential. That's part of being a good friend.

But what do you say to the person that doesn't realize what they're doing? How can you express your frustration that you bend over backwards and you would like some reciprocation, without a guilt trip or causing tension? It could possibly be as simple as saying "Hey, I've come over your place very often- can you come over here this time?". This is easier said than done but at least you are expressing some of your frustration.

Mission 17:
1) If you read this and feel like you are a "one-way", try calling some friends whom you realize you've done this to and make it up to them. The next few chill sessions are perfect opportunities for revitalizing your image. Also, acknowledge what you've done and apologize.

2) Call the "one-way" out. You need to stand up for yourself and your wallet. Transportation, drinks, food, movies all add up- financially and the frustration builds up inside. These aren't terrible people. They just may not realize. This is a good reality check for them to know you've actually been amazing.

3) What are some times you've been a "one-way" or experienced what it felt to have a friend as one? Post your experiences or the results of the mission on BreTSa and share. Maybe your approach will help someone else.

Your Home Delivered.

Coming home is an odd feeling. For many people, it means a reunion with their comfy couch, their warm bed, the television, and no bellboys to tip. But what is "home" exactly?

On the plane from my trip to Germany, I knew I was 'home' when I saw the march of blurry yellow blocks on the road. These cheesy buses carried children after a day of school at 3:30PM. These children were going back to a house with their family and would probably say that home was where they sleep, their parents make dinner, their dog Buttons greets them at the door. But what was home for me? My heart leaped into my lap when I realized we were flying over the city. It was this place that I felt I belonged to and it to me.

Home to me has never meant one specific place. Throughout my childhood I moved from one apartment to the next- perhaps once every year and sometimes more than three times in a six-month period after my parent's divorce. They say that moving is one of the three most stressful events someone can experience- is this due to the physical location or the mental reallocation of what "home" is that does it to us?

After a few years of college, I've moved from a dormitory to renting out a room to what is now my cozy apartment. But really, I've learned, it is what my apartment contains. Outfitted with Ikea furniture, my roommate, my laptop, pictures and other remnants of memories, it leads me to believe that home is not the physical place where you sleep. For years, I felt at home at my summer camp- a place that kept me secure and healthy despite all the trouble in my world outside of it. But besides the beautiful lake, it was and still is the people that brought me back.

Is home the feeling of warmth, of memories, the feeling of accomplishment after knitting a sweater, finishing a novel, that first tear from a sad but moving film, or perhaps that moment where your heart stops in a lover's arms because all you feel is tingly numbness? Are our homes ever-changing as we grow older appreciating that we find comfort in many different places? They (whoever "they" are) say that home is where the heart is and I'm beginning to really understand what that means. The line between residence, the place where we lay our heads to rest and the true feelings of where we long to be can be completely opposite. I can only hope that one day I can rest my head where I have longed to be for so long and finally feel that I am truly "home"

Mission 16:
1) Answer this: Where do you feel most at home? Think of where you long to be and where warmth surrounds you? Are you there? How can you get there?

2) Take it further and have fun: Draw, paint, or map out the answer to these questions.

3) Post it here and compare with fellow BreTSA followers.

Following Through

I haven't written in about two months. It is hard to believe that I haven't followed through on my promise to provide content at least once a week. At first, I believed it to be just a lack of time due to finals and classwork building up, which is true, but it became something more- I just got lazy. Therefore, I apologize to the followers of BreTSA. I need to own up to my procrastination and push myself in the future to follow through on commitments whether they are large or small. Holding ourselves accountable is something that I think people look at closely. No matter if we do screw up socially or professionally- it is the decision to take responsibility that secures our integrity.

In doing this, it makes me wonder why we cease to continue things we love or fail to complete projects that we get so psyched up about starting. I remember starting to paint and did it for a while but failed to really do one each week or so. I enjoy these hobbies and yet still managed to screw it up. How are we supposed to accomplish great things in life that take hard work and contain aspects we dread, when we can't even follow through on things that make us happy?

That said, I pledge that I will start frequent postings again. I've actually got several exciting topics lined up- two months gives you some material, I think.

When I was in Europe recently, I had a conversation with a mother who felt like her grown children didn't need her anymore and that she was moving into a new phase of her life. Our conversation was part of a larger process that I suspect she is still going through. As retirement nears, she can start thinking about what actually makes her happy besides serving her children.Listening to radio dramas, knitting, reading books or traveling- these hobbies have taken different paths and some have been abandoned. You could say that this is her time to pick up these activities that gave her joy, but it won't necessarily be true now- interests and people change. When she was younger, she longed to travel the world- but now she just wants to enjoy life where she is.

Who knows when I will stop writing on this blog? I certainly don't. And I don't expect to keep writing forever. All I know is that it gives me an outlet and I enjoy it now so I want to continue with it (especially with the pressure of some great friends to do so). However, I know that when the time comes, I know it was worth doing-at least for now.

Mission 15:
1)Make a list of tasks or hobbies you have abandoned- and finish/continue at least three of them! You can start making an effort if they do take a while, but at least get back up on the horse.
2) Or research something new and focus on that. You may just love it.

***Also, if you are reading this blog, it would be nice for you to comment/post- I want to hear about any mission you've completed or your thoughts. The purpose of this blog is to connect people through experience. Nothing is too trivial.

Crossing the line

Everyone's a little racist...sometimes?

I happen to be the kind of person that loves the Avenue Q song professing how everyone is a little racist or judgmental. I'll make jokes with friends about stereotypes of people and have a laugh- but in the end, I'm really not inclined to be serious about any of it. I wouldn't discriminate against anyone for a job or refuse to work with anyone or demand that a specific person shouldn't have the same respect as anyone else based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. A joke is a joke as long as it stays that way. In fact, sometimes I'm the one to say people are too politically correct and that we should loosen up a bit.

However, this Thanksgiving weekend, I have had a change of heart. In conversation with family, they deliberately used words like Oriental and the N word when describing someone or how the neighborhoods have changed over the years. I was appalled that even though they are from a different generation, they still used words of loathing and weren't joking in any context. In one instance, they were describing the frustration with a child's music teacher and how he keeps encouraging a child with no voice talent to still sing. With no subtlety or thought, she then uttered 'faggot', a word that is full of hatred. This crossed a boundary- not only because I am gay and out to my parents, but because even if I wasn't, is something unforgivable. Words like these are the reason why a friend of mine was attacked on the subway in NEW YORK just a few days ago. I can't help to wonder: Why has it taken us so long to have a black president? Why can't everyone have equal rights? Why in 2008, as leaders of the free world can people still use these words and hurt people?

So, in retrospect, I think that the line should move back and be more rigid. When we joke around, it still perpetuates separation and hatred. These words we use are not just words, but give power to the sticks and stones - they may not be intentionally geared towards hate and you may not even be a racist person- but by doing so, it instills acceptance of the idea we should be moving away from.

Some of you may think I am being absurd and that in joking, it may be okay. Some of you may think I'm incredibly stupid and I should have realized this a long time ago. Well, what I thought was clear rationale about how and when to use or not use these words seems to prove me wrong. Even though my family loves me, just hearing someone say it about someone else, made me feel terrible and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone who doesn't deserve it.

Finally, I know my last post was about not taking yourself seriously sometimes because in doing so you may be acting like a child. But I believe this time is one of those instances where you need to be serious because greater good can be done by putting in a small amount of effort.

Mission 14:
1) Stop making racist or stereotypical jokes- It'll be hard because we rationalize that they come out of 'some truth'- but I wouldn't want someone calling me a kike or faggot for real. The jokes make it okay when it really is not.

2) When someone jokingly says one or actually insults someone with a derogatory term, stand up for yourself or friend. They''ll appreciate it.

3) Post a time where you've felt hurt by something like this even if it wasn't directed towards you.

The Royal Stomp

Walking down the street, up the stairs, alleyways at 4:30am when the bar closes, the sound of clacking can never be avoided. This sound penetrates your ear like nails on a chalkboard even in the midst of pure chaos. And from this I ask, 'why do we stomp?'

I believe the answer to this is one of a few reasons:
It is a sign of confidence, frustration, haste or the sound of sweet vintage boots with an extra firm heel. All of them carry a notion of superiority or seriousness, qualifying this action as Royal.The sounds we make in unison with emotion is reflected in different ways. When we are excited or ADD, we walk in a short and quick motion making our shoes clack only slightly or when we are very calm, we walk slowly, hardly making any noise at all. However, when we are in a hurry to the office or stressed, it is a rhythmic pace that has resonance. But what does this really mean? Why do actually do it. I think it has to do with one thing: Taking ourselves WAY too seriously.

On the subway last week, I encountered a man who started fighting with another when he wedged himself in a small space. For no real reason, he came out with the most obnoxious insults that could be produced, turned scathing red, and attracted attention. After 5 minutes, others became annoyed and yelled at the guy to shut up. Naturally, the man began to insult everyone else as well. Then, a woman started complaining to people and got riled up about those who were laughing at this nonsense. She argued that she didn't have to take this bullshit after a long day of work. She couldn't understand why people were snickering. These people, the woman included, take themselves way too seriously. As it happened, both the aggressor and the pissed woman stormed off the train in a heat, stomping their feet like angry children. People who cannot laugh at themselves will start fights over bench space on the subway. People with no sense of humor will get fired up about how other people laugh at these ridiculous situations. While I could understand her frustration about not needing anymore stress- it's not her stress. Why worry about it?

The point is that why should we fuss over every little detail like children with tantrums and in doing so, ruin a great pair of shoes by stomping so heavily on the concrete? I think if we took life a little less serious sometimes, we would have much more energy, less pained feet, and kick ass boots that lasted just a bit longer.

Mission 13:
1) Tread lightly
2) Laugh at yourself or at a situation you usually would take lots of energy getting fussy over.
3) Post an instance on this blog where you've taken yourself way too seriously and what you've learned since then.

Trendy Economics

Everyone is now an economist.

Surely you must have noticed that everyone, even Joe the Plumber has seemed to studied for years on end to get a degree in a highly mathematical and complex study of markets, finance, and the global political economy. Or....they have been watching The Daily Show. It's interesting to see people who had no interest in the economy except for how fat their wallet was to actually talk about it as if they know anything. They are only repeating what some other Joe Schmo has been saying.

I was with a friend of mine in a Pizza Shop talking about Obama and the economy. I am an Economics major and my friend is well versed in finance, the economy and could actually offer an extensive and well informed opinion on the topic. Meanwhile, this guy with a Busch Beer in a paper bag chimes in with incredibly flawed and wrong details and tries to give his take (or rather plagiarized gobbley-gook of every midnight broadcast on CNN he has watched while flat out stoned or drunk). Besides this frustration, it is still interesting to see people take this on as an actual concern and trying to learn a bit about it-especially after an election of a president who wants to focus on the middle class.

I guess what I'm trying to convey that I'm happy people are becoming more literate in these issues which helps to have a higher skilled and sensible decision-making population, but I'm tired of hearing everyone preach the same thing that they take off of the television and then making it your own 'observation'. I call these people 'Plagiar-fessionals'. Please give credit to those who actually made predictions or assertions. These people spend lots of money and effort getting through school and doing annoying problem sets such as the one I'm procrastinating at the moment.

Ok, so enough complaining. What are we going to do about this economy- especially if you are a college student starving anyway? Well, the PROFESSIONALS keep telling us to consume based on historical perspective, but I think there is a way to spend cautiously. Which brings us to Mission 12:

1) A very useful blog I have come across is Haglit.com -it is a site for the "Savvy New Yorker" giving you great ideas to save a buck or two while still injecting money into the economy. I would definitely give this a try.

2) Buy yourself a luxury item. If we ever hit dustbowl depression you might be able to sell it for a good price and feed yourself for a few months or just even enjoy a pleasure of when you actually had money.

3) Post any frustrations you have on this blog and any other ideas.

****By the way, I just want to be honest with you and say that i just search keywords and find random images for these posts. I am unoriginal in this regard and none are my own photographs. I'm evil, but I have integrity to admit it. I'd like ot credit google for these images*****

Renting Sanity

Ever have that feeling that you aren't in your skin? It's just a vessel you are halfway in and a step out?

It took me an hour to look through what seemed like every movie in the video store and I settled on Harry Potter and Persepolis. A simple task such as opening the mailbox turned arduous and frustrating- the jamming of the key into the slot, the slow and jagged turn and the sour disappointment when to no avail, there was not a single piece inside. It could just be the aftereffects of drinking heavily the night prior that put me in a lethargic state, but even on days where I've had enough sleep and enough espresso to bring us into a new industrial age- it just doesn't work and nothing makes it better.

These kinds of days, which I imagine most people have, are the worst. These days also put more pressure on you to stay in that store and actually pick something because the shopkeeper has been waiting on you to pick that goddamn movie. You wanted a Best Picture and instead settle for mediocre and absurd. What exactly gives us these expectations of greatness? When do we realize that sometimes the actions we take are meaningless in the grand scheme of things?

While I am a happy person, it bugs me that these decisions, which have on impact whatsoever frustrate me more than leading a team on a project or a life-altering decision? Why do we (or maybe just me) get so hung up on small details?

I can't answer this and I won't attempt to because to try would be like imprisoning an elephant with only some yarn. I don't even get the metaphor I just wrote. You probably don't either and this posting is a complete rant. But anyway, hopefully, you can relate to this feeling and maybe I've made you aware to it so you can actually do something with it and get back to me. In the interim, I'm going to watch Order of the Phoenix.

Mission 11:
Today I won't be a Cobbler. By this I mean I can't give you a proper mission so I'll leave you with an arbitrary task that might help you if you feel like I do. I got this off my magnet from New Orleans.

Make Bread Pudding:
Ingredients:
1 Loaf day old bread 1/2 cup raisins (optional)
2 TBs. butter 2 TBS Vanilla
4 Cups Milk 1/2 TSP nutmeg
3 Eggs 1/2 TSP cinnamon
1 Cup Sugar

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350F
Butter a 13"x9" baking dish. Break bread into chunks and pour milk over bread.
Break into smaller bits and the bread absorb the milk. Then Beat the eggs and sugar together until smooth and thick. Stir in raisins if you are using them along with vanilla, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Then pour the mixture over bread and combine. Pour bread into baking dish. Place dish into larger pan filled with 1" of water. Bake 1 hour or until knife inserted into center comes out clean.

My adaptation:
Clean dishes immediately because after you enjoy you are just going to want to veg out in front of the television with your belt buckle off a few notches.

Tipping the Scale

When did a tip become mandatory?

I remember my parents telling me times where they've left a penny because service was so bad. Tips used to be up to the discretion of the customer. Tips used to be and still are in several countries, an added bonus rewarded for great service- and not expected.

Recently, I ordered delivery and was told my tip was not enough. I gave a dollar for a meal that cost 10 bucks. That is 10 percent. As far as I know, free delivery from a restaurant means free delivery and any additional amount given is something of a courtesy. The delivery guy threatened that next time I will have to pick-up my food. After calling the restaurant to complain about how rude he was, the attendant told me that my history from ordering online showed I didn't pay enough tip (I rarely complain and usually give great tips). I told him that while it may not be recorded on my online history, I give cash for tip when they come. He informed me that I had 'strikes' and after many, they do not deliver to you anymore. He also informed me that they do not receive a salary and rely on tips. Well, I'm sorry but that is not my problem. This is the responsibility of the employer to give them salary and I should not be yelled at by a delivery guy for not giving enough. I would be perfectly happy to pay a delivery fee or if it said online what a suggested tip is then I'd be happy to oblige.

This makes me believe that people expect something for nothing. The art of customer service for the reason of customer loyalty has been lost. No longer are people friendly and say thank you for an extra bonus, but expect it immediately just for having done their jobs. If you are paid to do a job, you do it. If by chance you receive a gracious tip from someone for doing your job WELL, then that is great. However, I'm sorry, you should not get extra if you do not go the extra mile. This is supposed to be the motivation for you to go beyond basic expectations.

For example, students are supposed to do their work. If someone who does B- work receives an A, what good is it to try harder and put in more effort in order to get the A? The incentive in business and the market is to provide quality service and offer something that others do not provide, hence why you shop there and not somewhere else. Lastly, if you get a birthday present, do you go and ask for more birthday presents or a different one because it wasn't to your liking?

To ask for more of a tip or reward when it is supposed to be a courtesy to get something in the first place is just unacceptable to me and it should be to you.

Mission 10:
1) Re-evaluate how you spend your money. Are you being too nice? I've been giving very generous tips for years and am starting to think that people should earn it. Next time you have bad service, do not encourage it by giving them more than 10 or 15 percent. They get paid to do a job, if they don't do it properly, they shouldn't get rewarded.
2) If you are in a service job with a possibility for tips, try to provide great service and don't ask for more if you don't get what you hoped for. Stop Complaining.

Good Samaritans Rescue Poor Planning

I must say that even the best of us and the most careful forget or make poor planning decisions.I had this experience last night due to carelessness and having the notion in my head that my stupidity could be mitigated by someone else.

Last night, I went with my friend to the bar nearby. I pointed out that I forgot my cell phone, but insisted we just kept walking- it was freezing. Long story short, after I returned home, I realized I had either locked myself out or lost the keys at the bar. At an effort to just get in my apartment to confirm, I rang the bell several time waiting for my roommate to answer. Once. Twice. Three times. Umpteen times later, still no answer. Her sweet tired soul was dead asleep and I gave up. I tried curling up in the hallway but it was quite uncomfortable. I went back to the bar: A) to see if my keys were anywhere in sight and B) to have another drink- if I was going to have to fall asleep in my hallway I would need the proper tools (Vodka and Cranberry juice. Instead, I wound up going home with this very friendly 'Newsbian' (newly lesbian) where I met a hyperactive pug and her cozy wooden floor. It happened that what I thought was a Frenchman sleep-talking french was actually just one Frenchman speaking to the other he was cuddled up next to. Needless to say, it was a peculiar and tiring night. At 9AM I finally got to my bed within the apartment. It turns out my keys were on the key hook.

Why did I tell you a story you probably found frustrating due to grammatical errors and strays from my usual blog entry format? It has to do with the kindness we take for granted from good Samaritans and how we could have avoided their generosity. Why didn't I go back for my phone? That was disabling even if I did have my keys. Why didn't I make sure I locked the door and had my keys when I left? These simple innocuous precautions could have saved a lot of trouble, energy, and effort on behalf of my host for the rest of the evening. It seems that we (or I) should plan better and think how one small action could influence others? How hard could this be?

For example, you are having a dinner party. You want to bake a special dessert and this dessert contains almonds. You could either call all the people in the dinner party and ask if they are allergic to almonds which could seemingly take short minutes of your time or you could assume no one is allergic based on previous experience of what they've eaten in front of you. You choose the latter option and you've just killed one of your guests. This is an extreme example but I think you get the gist.

Planning ahead and pondering worst-case scenarios in order to think of possible backup plans is essential if you want to avoid a situation such as the one I had. Although, it does make a great story.

So, in an effort to help everyone out, here is Mission 9
(and it's a two-parter oh boy!:

1)Take a business card sized piece of paper and imagine a few worst-case scenarios.
Write down emergency contacts, phone numbers of those with spare sets of keys, friends that live near by that can let you crash or might have the numbers of people you need to get a hold of, taxi services, nearest hospital, plumber, locksmith, etc.
Just in case you lose your phone and your keys, you hopefully still have your wallet. If you want to take an extra precaution, upload this list to somewhere online that you can access from any Internet connection. You don't have to get too paranoid about this, but these extra steps will definitely help you when those extreme situations actually occur.

2)Be a great Samaritan: While it is someone's own responsibility to correct their mistakes or fight battles, sometimes a little kindness can help. Whatever happened to people helping old ladies with their groceries? Do something for someone that takes some time or is a little bit of a burden on you. Who knows when you might need the favor repaid?

Flash Gordon Approaching

With it being almost Halloween, I think this is quite relevant to the attitudes of people at the moment.

Super Heroes, X-Men, Heroes the television show and other forms of comics have repeatedly depicted people that either are born or made with super-human, supernatural or weird abilities. This dictates the notion that people want to have some kind of 'specialness' and that the only way we can do good is to have a power no one else does. This of course is augmented by Batman, ironman, and the few other various exceptions in which very rich people become something entirely unique. What I wonder though is what ever happened to just being a Hero in the classical sense of the word?

Ordinary people have risen to the occasion to build large empires of industry when born in less than pleasant situations. The capitalistic system we have today, theoretically, allows someone to build their own future and accumulate vasts amount of wealth through entrepreneurship and other business methods- which can give hope or safety to others who desire the same. Are these heroes? Do they have something within them that is special and unique to battle aversing forces in the system?

Or, Let's ponder Greek Tragedy Heroes: These players did not fly, did not become invisible, did not shoot webs or partake in DNA manipulation. They simply became doers of good and guarded against evil nature. These heroes also had their downfalls, hence why they are tragic.

We are obsessed with getting abilities and while it is fun to think about, why not think of ordinary people as heroes. Why not the single mother working 2 or 3 jobs just to take care of her child (or father, I won't assume gender stereotypes). What about the transgendered individual who fights for equal and fair treatment at the workplace? Aren't these individuals the ones with real power and drive to achieve the greater good and guard others from discriminating treatment?

It is my conclusion that people do not need claws and regenerative capability like wolverine to recognize that they have a unique power or ability. The heroes that cannot read minds and triumph over fear of their own mortality should be placed on a pedestal instead of Superman- a figure that doesn't need to worry about flying bullets.

Mission 8:
1) Recognize an ability you have that makes you a hero to someone or to some cause
2) Recognize a specific person in your life that has been a hero and write about it on this blog. Most importantly, tell them what impact they've had.

Cash, Credit, or Debit

I've had enough and I think you have too. How many times do you go into a drug store and the person behind the register is bored, doesn't care, or maybe doesn't even talk to you.

"Next customer"- in that pissed off 'I want to go home but I just got here' attitude.
It is atrocious how these people carry on with this type of behavior and do not do anything about it. I understand-life sucks-you work in a boring environment and you get nothing out of it except minimum wage. I understand that you deal with annoying needy customers, but please don't pass that onto me.

Whatever happened to the days where someone would say, even in an obviously scripted way 'Hi, welcome to _________, will this be all you would like to purchase?" and then a 'Have a great day!"? Not only this, but doing your job at an immensely slow pace- especially when I'm hungry and you're making my sandwich, only makes me think that there is a lack of motivation or incentive. There is a lack of reason why anyone should care. Why aren't these companies or businesses talking to their employees or doing anything about it? Why don't the managers take any action? My guess is that they don't care either. My impression is that they make money anyway and think they are so important to the world that they can do whatever they want or rather not do anything and people will still use their services.

If someone you hire was to give you a massage and didn't try at all and you couldn't feel it, would you go back? If someone cut your hair and it came out terrible or they were rude, would you go back to the salon? I really hope customer service remains top priority. I know several companies still concentrate on this such as Dell, Harry and David, and Utrecht -but it is sad to see that people do not care.

This rant, of course, is very subjective to where you live and the relationship you have with the businesses around you. If you live in a more personal small town, service should be much better, but in a city, you're one of a million that walk through the doors...so what is one person with a bad experience? But the problem is that certain places, (rhymes with schwane Brede) do this to everyone. I say i'm not going to stand for it and you shouldn't either.

Mission 7:
1) Next time you are given an attitude or they seem bored or don't even talk to you, COMPLAIN- but not to them. Do not make a confrontation. simply ask to speak to the manager. I realize that this takes time but how is anything supposed to get better?

or

2) Stop going there and make a point of calling the company with the complaint.
Then tell everyone you know not to go there and find yourself a friendlier place. It may be a little bit more expensive but you won't leave feeling frustrated or like you want to strangle the girl behind the counter.

The Other Side of the Pillow

Okay, so, you just had a great night (or morning) full of intimacy or purely physical activity- you feel good, confident, and all you want to do is cuddle. There's something wrong though: You are tired and you need to rest. What's stopping you?
Your arm is falling asleep.

Ever have those times where they lay on your arm and you really just need to find a way to shove that beautiful person just a few inches over? I find that it's mentally hard to even try to move them entirely to the other side of the bed. Hey, I need my space and I want to cuddle with you- but I have to get up in a few hours and I need to feel every limb of my body (but thank you for making me aware of them approximately 30 minutes ago).

It seems as though asking for it will make you seem distant or you try to do it in subtle ways but they still curl back up to you even if you nudge your body away slightly. It's not that you don't like them, but "Seriously, I can't afford to be sleepy when I've got midterms on Monday and errands that need to be completed".

But there's a catch: Don't you have that fantasy where the person won't care and they will cuddle and rest for hours and not think of anyone or anything but you? You can make breakfast in the morning and slowly wake up or maybe even just lie in bed until 2pm. We say we want this, but as soon as the climax is finished-we want to wipe off, take a shower, and become clean again. We say we dream of certain things, when in reality, when given the opportunity, fight it and come back to reality again. This reality has laundry to do, groceries to buy, homework to be done, and doesn't involve 1 hour of sleep because this body is next to you.

So, I may be ranting again, but I think it's interesting what we do or how we feel in this situation. I'm not saying the experience wasn't sublime, but some rest and some space would be too.

So herein the mission lies...
Mission 6:

Don't be offended if someone needs to roll over to the other side and remove their arm from under your body. Believe me, cutting off circulation of blood flow is the last thing you want to do- especially if you count on having more of these experiences. And in turn, don't be afraid to do the same. They will probably be grateful that they too will be able to get some R+R to to charge up for some more.

The Adolescent Observer

How well do you think you know your family or friends?

This is not the kind of 'know' when you add your latest acquaintance on Facebook, but more of an intimate knowing. This knowing is different from noticing habits or hearing about the daily lives of others.

After re-watching a few episodes of Six Feet Under (arguably for me one of the best written and acted Teledramas of modern age), I realized how little I know my family. I could not even answer if I knew how my father's mother died when he was 10. I never truly listen to my dad's stories because they are repetitive and have nothing to do with his life before my parents got married (which ended in divorce years later, thankfully). I know little about him and don't want to regret not having gotten to.

I always say that I love my parents but do not like them as people. This, of course, may be true with your family-but mine are totally wrapped up in their own little worlds. While I won't get into anything too personal because this is not my blog to rant and rave about life, what I will say was that I think I might be wrong to some extent. And you might be too.

The truth is, I have met many people, stayed in contact with many people, hang out, drink beer, smoke, laugh, and sometimes let them know my business-but I don't 'know' many people very well. You think you know your family, especially your parents because you live with them , you see them, they tell you the same stories over and over-but do you truly know them as people-before you were born? We are observers and until we grow up, realize this, and make it worth our time and effort to pursue knowledge about those we don't know in a true and tangible way, I believe we are stuck in adolescence.

Which brings me to this post's mission:
Mission 5:

Find someone in your life that you thought you knew.
Get to know them as people.

What does this entail?
Ask their history, their feelings, hear their childhood stories and let it be clear you are interested. It doesn't have to be your parents or even family. For the one who thought you knew and judged harshly because of it may not be there one day for you to ask.

Simple Days

On this lazy Sunday of waking up late and doing laundry I experienced something that substantiated why I live in the part of Williamsburg, Brooklyn as opposed to the trendy Bedford avenue stop everyone else does.

While getting coffee I asked Pat, a 79-year old man for a light.
As he walked towards me, he puffed on his very large brown cigar and said he could tell I was searching for a way to light my cigarette. I wound up having a conversation with him that lasted about 20 minutes.

Pat has lived in my neighborhood his entire life. He has been married for 51 years, his son has three masters degrees, he went to college when he was 50, and he is ambivalent about all the new young people moving into the area over the years.
"I will probably be long dead and buried before this happens, but I wish there was a good Jewish Deli around here". He explained that 'life is a crap-shoot' and that times have really changed.

I mentioned that I'm a native New Yorker from Canarsie. I feel like if you ever speak to someone this engrained into the community, in order to get any credit, you have to have been from around here. It's like street credit for the older generation- if I didn't mention it, I doubt he would've talked to me for as long as he did.

"life used to be so simple...you used to have one wife, one job, and fishing used to cost you three dollars. You lived like a king". He told me that our generation has it rough and he understands that life has gotten so complicated. Young people 'play house' and live in a world where we grow up so quickly.

Something he said caught my interest- there was an old trolley in Brooklyn that would take you around, I decided to look it up and came across an old brooklynite's webpage. It refers to the photograph located above today's posting.

This is what it said,

"Here we see the trolley on Rockaway Parkway coming from the Brownsville section of Brooklyn (along Rockaway Avenue) with the last stop at the train depot. From there one could either take the train to Manhattan or the shuttle trolley to the "shore" (Golden City Park).

Until 1942, though, a free transfer existed at the Rockaway Parkway station of the BMT (now the LL line) that allowed you on a trolley line that traveled on a private right of way between East 95th and 96th streets to its terminus at a long-departed beach resort at Jamaica Bay called Golden City, complete with an amusement park, fishing boat rentals and beer halls.

The trolley car extension of the subway (it ran on the ground until New Lots Avenue and the up on the elevator until Broadway Junction, and only then did it run as a "subway") ran through a littered lane between the back yards and unkempt gardens of rundown houses. Here and there passengers caught a glimpse of Canarsie's better dwellings, of its village-like business section on Flatlands Avenue, of great stretches of dump and marsh, and of unpaved streets. Canarsie then underwent changes as the new Circumferential Highway [Belt Parkway] around Jamaica Bay was completed and the shore improved"

(http://www.geocities.com/buddychai2/Brooklyn/Canarsie.html)

Pat seemed to think our lives are complicated. But I'm not so sure. His generation had to have a wife and kids and grow up just as quickly as us. Now, college students don't really do anything until after college, get apartments paid for by their parents, and have gadgets that cost a fortune before even stabilizing themselves. I agree that we live in a complicated world but I think no matter what era you live in, life is still life. There are easy things about it and there are difficult things to get through. In Pat's day, you could not truly be yourself, if you were unhappy in a marriage it was socially looked down upon and you needed to stay with that job to be stable and raise your family. I hope that when I'm older i can look back and say that the present is the best time because I want things to progress and I want to keep up with the times. I think there are certainly good things to miss from the past, but in order to be happy you need to appreciate the state you are in.

I hope for Pat's sake, he will see a Jewish old-time deli reappear in this neighborhood before he passes so he can enjoy his last years in his home in this decade.

Today's mission requires a bit more work but I hope that you find it rewarding.
Mission 4: Find a way to connect with an older person native the neighborhood you live in. Have a conversation and make sure not to hold back your thoughts. Listen to what they have to say and ask them questions that ensure a story or their views on current life. Get to know a glimpse of someone you probably would have never known. I think it will be a rich and valuable opportunity to learn something about yourself as well.

Good luck, BRETSA nation.

2 For 1 Draft?

2 for 1 drink specials should really be defined better. Is this offer 2 drinks for 2 people or 2 drinks for 1 person? It depends on whether you are at the bar alone or not. There are certainly things I've noticed by going to the bar near me- and on some occasions- by myself.

People think one of three things when you say you go to a bar by yourself:
A) You are pathetic
B) You are brave
C) Wow, should I refer you to see my AA counselor?

Either way, it is very hard to approach someone in a place if there is a remote possibility of making a romantic connection. While I am usually very social and can easily enter into a conversation, it is just that added pressure of speaking to someone that scares the jeepers out of me. But this isn't just me I figure.

From speaking with a friend last time at the bar, we discussed the following:
People are insecure- at the bar alone or with friends. Everyone wants to be approached and in doing so they put on a show. I call this "Drincurity". There tends to be a boost of confidence with a drink and a cigarette in the hand and people tend to try and get other's attention by being louder, blowing smoke in a sexy way, giving other's the "eye", etc.

And when someone actually does approach, good or bad looking, interest or no interest whatsoever, it is an ego boost. Why do we need this? Why are we so insecure about ourselves that we put on shows to get attention when in every aspect of our lives, we can be downright social and tell what is on our minds. Maybe its just me and I'm preaching to you, who has no problem? Furthermore, in a room full of insecure people who want to be approached, does anyone get approached? We should get a scientist to do some charts or something.

Once again, I'm probably not the first person to write about this or talk about it but I feel like it's not just happening to me and its good for others to see that they aren't alone. (Although, does anyone truly read this? oh, well. )

so anyway, I know you've been waiting for it: The Mission

Mission 3:
Approach someone in a bar of possible romantic interest. If you haven't done it before or if you have a hard time doing it -you'll need to accomplish it in order to complete the mission. It doesn't need to be in a bar- it could be on a train, in the grocery store, shopping mall, race track, your cousins bat mitzvah- I don't care. Just DO IT.

Spy Games

You know you do it. You know you want to. They know you're doing it and say it might be creepy but they do it too. What is this? Spying.

I've noticed that i love to watch people in the subway, the grocery store or even just spying on my neighbors. At first, I thought it might be a terrible thing to do- but everyone does it. From afar I will look into my neighbor's windows and see them preparing dinner, getting drunk, or at 3am- half naked running to get a glass of water after they've had a long night of ...well...you know.

It's not that we plan to do this or want ourselves to be spied on..(or so we say), but this innate feeling to see what others are up to. Many films have made this point such as Shortbus or Disturbia which leads me to believe that it's perfectly normal. (Especially if you catch a serial killer). My roommate and I will sit on the fire escape and make up play by play commentary as if it is a sport. It's simply fun.

Another aspect of this is on the train. Please, a show of hands, who has deliberately chosen a subway car just to be in the same relative space as some eye candy? I call this Transpor-candy. It isn't that we want to date them, screw them, or even talk with them- but simply just to watch them and not have to think about work, school, or that project coming up. It is that we'd rather have something hot to look at from point A to B. You see them listening to their ipod or reading and you want to be in their world. You are curious. I say stop being ashamed and break out those binoculars.

This leads me to our second mission:
Go on the subway or to a supermarket and watch one person for 10 minutes.
Bring a pad of paper or your nifty electronic notetaker and:
1) jot down what they do.
2) Bonus points for wearing sunglasses
3) Extra Extra bonus points for taking a picture of the person and posting it on this blog. If there is a technical issue. E-mail it to me.


If they notice you, keep doing it-even if they seem creeped out by it. Maybe you'll even make a connection or meet your future partner.

Good luck, BRETSA Nation.

Breathing The Same Air

Ah okay, so this is the first posting. I am not sure how this will develop or whether anyone will read it, see it, search it, love it or curse me to the heavens-but that doesn't matter. What matters is that it exists and I write it even for one person.

I try not to talk about myself too much as there are already so many social networking sites that the advertisement of my electronic self becomes exhausting sometimes. With facebook, okcupid, dlist, myspace- how does anyone come up for this air? How do we function in person? This leads me to what I gather is my first topic.

I've come up to a wall in the way I develop relationships or why I seem to not care as much as i used to about maintaining relationships. It's simply- I don't care enough to. But really, is it ever that simple? So, I went to counseling services for the first time ever without being forced. This is what I came up with through great drunk reflection at 3am last week: We are so logged on, so connected to computers and these sites that if it isn't as easy as pushing a button-then we don't want to do it. I am lazy. I have become so lazy that I already know what friends are up to because they advertise it on their pages every second they can.

I've decided I should try to unplug-and hence, not working because this blog exists. It's kind of like making playdough- no one makes their own playdough anymore. My mother would use regular dough, food coloring, and then I'd play with it. But everyone just goes out and buys playdough. There's no experience involved. and the same 5 year old playing playdough will probably go on his leappad and text his 10 year year old brother a picture of him playing with this orange playdough in the shape of Sean Connery. And how does he know about Sean Connery at such a young age? He gets weekly updates from IMDB on his iphone.

This subject is unoriginal, my writing is horrible, and I should probably quit. But I think this is something we should pay attention to. When was the last time you took a walk, or sat down to play cards or connect four?

I think I've got it. With every new blog posting- there will be a mission. I will follow the mission and you can too, if you'd like or care or even want to re-visit this blog. So here it is:

Mission 1: Grab a friend you have not seen in at least 2 Weeks and :
A) Play a card or board game for 45 minutes.
B) Both read the same book for 30 minutes and talk about it.

I'm going to give you 3 days to do it. Once i've done it, I'm going to report back but I want you to also.

Farewell and unplug,

Dan